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228. Got a new job with the local hostage negotiators and tried to phone in sick but they talked me out of it.
229. Girl: Why do you constantly keep posting my name as your Facebook status every 2 minutes? Boy: Facebook keeps asking me what’s on my mind? And honestly, it’s always you.
230. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive facebook checking disorder). I have also been told that I am beyond cure. Please pray for me.
231. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you?
232. Facebook is the only place you can write whatever you feel on a wall. Grrrr Facebook won’t stop asking what’s on my mind even if I tell it, it keeps on asking.
233. I’ve gone out to find myself. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait.
234. I Know Wat You’re Doing Right Now… You’re Reading On My Wall, Right !
235. Facebook is like prison, you write on walls and get poked bu people you don’t know.
236. Call me anorexic, call me fat. I can put on or I can lose that. Call me annoying, call me dumb. Excuse me miss; but I’m having fun. Call me a flirt, call me fake. That’s just me, so give it a break. Call me weird, a nerd & a geek. Call me what you want, I’m just unique.
237. Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’
238. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.
239. You can’t please everyone, you’re not a Nutella jar.
240. Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I’ll add LOL at the end.
241. Seeing a spider in my room isn’t scary. It’s scary when it disappears.
242. I’m not running away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.
243. I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.
244. Some people have “aha” moments, I just have “Oh Seriously?” moments.
245. Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.
246. Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. “Yeah. So is a grenade.”
247. They say “don’t try this at home” so I’m coming over to your house to try it.
248. For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.
249. Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
250. Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
251. Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.
252. Never wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
253. Dear automatic flushing toilet… I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
254. If you keep annoying me, I’ll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it’s Santa’s hotline.
255. Facebook should have “So What” button!
256. As Facebook has a “Poke” button, it should have a “Kick” button as well.
257. My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update as the search bar.
258. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
259. Whoever said facebook was a good idea, “Let me share my dull life with the rest of the planet.” ?
260. No matter what anyone says, my cooking is excellent, even the smoke alarm seems to be cheering me on!
261. Facebook is the red carpet for pretty girls who have no talent.
262. …It’s Not That I Hate You… But Let’s Put It This Way If You Were On Fire And I Had A Gallon Of Water I’d Drink It.
263. He who went to facebook and left myspace is wise.
264. Am quitting face book to face my books.
265. Facebook should add a “dislike button” some updates are just too senseless.
266. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors and depression meet up for coffee.
267. I’d say we should have a “You Bore me” button on Facebook!
268. Single doesn’t always mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy.
269. Paper cut: A tree’s final moment of revenge.